Disney Turns Its Billion Dollar Florida Investment Back Into This Pumpkin

Bibbidy bobbidy BOO.

In March of 2023, the Walt Disney Company and Florida's bigoted governor managed to make the Rule Against Perpetuities trend on Twitter. For one shining moment, lawyers could trot out this relic of property law arcana to explain how Mickey Mouse had just spanked Ron DeSantis via a contract tied to the grandchildren of Britannia's newly coronated king. It was a glorious time!

It seems impossible to top that insanity, although Governor Ron DeSantis is laboring under the delusion that he can win the 2024 Republican presidential primary by finding ways to be even more odious than Donald Trump, so ... who knows? But, this week there were two funny developments in the ongoing fucktussle between DeSantis and The Mouse.

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Parents, Authors, Publisher Make Florida Book Censorship A Federal Case​

What we need now is a drag queen named 'Sue Florida.'

Americans are getting pretty sick and tired of rightwing scolds trying to turn the country into a year-round Jesus Camp. Now the resistance to the last couple years of moral panics is spreading beyond the awesome kids forming banned book clubs and the civil rights groups suing to throw out unconstitutional laws. In Florida, Big Bidniss is throwing its money into the fight, too, as Judd Legum writes in his Popular Information newsletter.

In response to the Escambia County School Board's removals and restrictions on school library books, the board is being sued in federal court by some very big guns: publisher Penguin (heh) Random House, five authors, two parents of children in the school district, and the freedom to read nonprofit PEN America, alleging that the school board is violating the First Amendment rights of all the plaintiffs.

The lawsuit alleges that the school board banned and restricted books "based on their disagreement with the ideas expressed in those books." In so doing, the school board has "prescribed an orthodoxy of opinion that violates the First and Fourteenth Amendments."

“In Escambia County, state censors are spiriting books off shelves in a deliberate attempt to suppress diverse voices. In a nation built on free speech, this cannot stand,” Suzanne Nossel, the CEO of PEN America, said. “The law demands that the Escambia County School District put removed or restricted books back on library shelves where they belong.”

If "Escambia County" and "censorship" ring a bell, that would be because Escambia County is home to Moms for Liberty And Censorship activist Vicki Baggett, a high school English teacher and self-appointed Fahrenheit 451 fire crew who has filed over 150 book challenges.

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Republicans Enter 5 Stages Of Durham Flop Grief. Stage 1: LIE. Stages 2 Through 5: LIE MORE.

Consistency is key.

As the Durham investigation bellyflops over the finish line, the reek of copium is strong in the air. Over at the Wall Street Journal, the editorial board is claiming a moral victory over an FBI that “failed to uphold their important mission of strict fidelity to the law.” That's a quote from Special Counsel John Durham, who failed to cite a single violation of the law by the FBI in his entire 316-page report. Nevertheless, the Journal sniffs that Durham's output is "far more comprehensive than anything issued by original special counsel Robert Mueller" in his piddly 635-page production.

Yes, okay, if you're being technical, Mueller indicted, convicted or secured guilty pleas from 34 people and three companies, while Durham only got one guilty plea after the DOJ's inspector general discovered that a line prosecutor had doctored an email. And, okay, Durham's only two indictments led to rapid jury acquittals. But isn't the whole point of criminal prosecutions getting to say mean shit about your political opponents in your filings without actually having to prove it? Bill Barr has assured us that is the case!

Over at the New York Post, they're taking a performative victory lap around the kiddie pool, claiming that Durham's fapfic novella "proves federal law enforcement was weaponized by shielding the Hillary Clinton campaign and persecuting the Donald Trump campaign."

"Despite the damning evidence, most of the media are treating the Durham report as a 'nothingburger,'" huffs opinion writer James Bovard. "FBI racketeering repeatedly rescued Hillary Clinton."

Because it's fun to say stupid shit for money.

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Rudy Giuliani Sued For Being Exactly The Person We All Knew He Was

It's a story about Rudy's chram and Viagra. But you should read it anyway.

BREAKING: Rudy Giuliani a slobbering old pervert who reeks of scotch! Must credit Wonkette!

Well, to be fair, we were mostly funnin' when we made fun of America's Mayor for wandering around with his wizened peen in one hand and a highball glass in the other. But it turns out that every joke we ever made was actually FACT CHECK TRUE, according to a $10 million sexual abuse and employment complaint filed yesterday in New York state court by his former assistant Noelle Dunphy.

Here's a real, honest-to-god line from this batguano thing: "Giuliani demeaned and sexualized Margaret Thatcher and wondered about the effect she would have on his penis."

How are we supposed to make a living writing dick jokes when this is real life?

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