Wonkette Defeats Tucker Carlson, Buzzfeed News, Prob Some Others

There can be only one.

Are you a Wonkette reader who's been here forever, so long that you remember that one really mean Wonkette "profile" (dumb screed) that really hurt my feelings, about how we are useless and gross and we use embarrassing fonts? It employed an excerpt of a different (nice!) profile to intimate that it was incredibly cringey to live in a Los Angeles loft and turn 40.

Well that one really dumb screed that hurt my feelings ended with the prophesy that we would outlive the dumb website on which it ran, and we (handily) did. And of course I'm not just so gauche as to be 40 now, I am so gauche as to be FIFTY! :D

We didn't expect we'd outlive Tucker Carlson's career at Fox though, or Buzzfeed News. Buzzfeed News was good, it had reporters, it broke shit all the time, and it had billions, maybe trillions????, of investor $$$$$$$$$$. And Tucker Carlson, well, evil never dies.

We? We got you babe!

So now is the time for the 644,000 of you who visited Wonkette last month and didn't give us money to throw us $2 or $5 or $500, but only if you are able.

Because good wins sometimes, and we will be the last website standing IN THE WORLD.

To give us money, you can join our Patreon here, or just click the widget below and then choose one-time or monthly and then click to pay with Paypal or Stripe or your payment will not go through! (Confidential to the friend who sent a note saying she'd sent us $$ in honor of Buzzfeed News, you guessed it, you didn't!) Or you can send a check on paper through the United States mail to Wonkette, PO Box 38273, Detroit MI 48238.

We love you, very much.

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Class War

Iowa Passes Child Labor Bill In Predawn Darkness, Just Like A Teen Headed To A Roofing Job

Fine, overnights haven't been approved. Yet.

The Iowa state Senate stayed up all night so it could pass a very important law expanding child labor early Tuesday morning. The bill, Senate File 542, was finally passed at about 5 a.m., just in time for legislators to go home and roust their teenaged sons and daughters out of bed to send them off to school, followed by up to six hours a day at a job once the law goes into effect (that's up from the current limit of four hours for kids under 16; 16- and 17-year-olds will be allowed to work full time).

The vote was 32 to 17, with two Republicans joining all the Democrats to vote "no." We'll assume that's because they were repelled by the legislation, not because they considered it too restrictive on businesses. (Actually, it's even weirder, as we'll see.)

Previously on Yr Wonkette:

GREAT IDEA IOWA! Let Children Work Dangerous Jobs And Then Give Their Employers Civil Immunity!

NY Times Exposé: Migrant Child Laborers Taking US Children's Dangerous Jobs

If it's passed by the state House and signed by Gov. Kim Reynolds, the law will allow kids aged 14 to 17 to work longer hours and to work in jobs that had up until now been prohibited for anyone under 18. It's not that the jobs got any less dangerous; the Republican majority in the state Senate simply decided it was high time to let ninth graders work in roofing, demolitions, and manufacturing plants as long as they're in a school or employer "training program."

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FDA Approves Second Bivalent Booster Shots For Some, Tiny American Flags For Others

There was a thing, children, it was called 'pandemic.'

The Food and Drug Administration has approved a second dose of the updated COVID booster shot that came out last fall, for older people and folks with compromised immune systems. That would be the "bivalent" boosters that were developed to protect against the original virus and the Omicron variant of the virus. The booster will be available to people over the age of 65 four months after their last dose, and to those with weakened immune systems two months after their last shot. Those guidelines apply to both the Moderna and the Pfizer-BioNTech boosters.

On top of that, the FDA authorized making the updated vaccines the standard for all COVID vaccines from here on in, which means that anyone who hasn't been vaccinated yet will get a single dose of the Pfizer or Moderna vaccine instead of the two-dose vaccines that were originally rolled out in December 2020.

Next, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will meet with its vaccine advisory panel on Wednesday; once the CDC signs off on the new second dose plan, boosters can begin being given immediately.

As always, anti-vaxxers are still recommended to take a daily helping of STFU.

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Tyrant Joe Biden Mobilizes Entire US Government To Help Working Families Find Care

Plus, it's Manchin-proof!

One of the things that impressed us about the Trump administration — in a horrible, sick-making way, to be sure — was that for all the stumblefucked incompetence at the top, which thank Crom might have saved us from even worse catastrophe, there were some operatives in the Trump White House who knew what they were doing, which was far more terrifying than the chaos. Stephen Miller, Trump's immigration Gauleiter, was something of a master of the Dark Bureaucratic Arts, leading a crew of likeminded creeps to sift through all sorts of federal laws and regulations to find ways to restrict immigration and keep refugees out of the USA. Miller and his operatives quickly weaponized large parts of the federal bureaucracy to pursue Trump's immigration agenda.

Read More:

Stephen Miller, America's Last Bastion Against Humanity

Stephen Miller's Latest F*cked-Up Bullsh*t Is SOOOOOOME F*CKED-UP BULLSH*T

But what if that power could be used for good, not evil? What if a president directed agencies to go through the laws and regulations to find ways to help working Americans get affordable family care, for young children and also for seniors who need home care? That's pretty much what Joe Biden is telling the federal government to do with an executive order signed today.

The EO, the White House explainers,

includes more than 50 directives to nearly every cabinet-level agency to expand access to affordable, high-quality care, and provide support for care workers and family caregivers.

The order builds on that neat idea the administration came up with earlier this year that requires companies getting funding from the CHIPS and Science Act to include plans for making affordable childcare available to their workers. Nice factory we're helping you build here, sure would be great if your employees had childcare options.

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