Clever Unexpected Responses On Social Media! Tabs, Fri., Nov. 12, 2021
I actually clicked it because the come-on had a tweet from Elie Mystal and then the story didn't! NO LINK!
Scroll all the way down, there's a WONKMEET TOMORRY!
Guess you better keep this tab open for the next four hours, so you can listen to this musical accompaniment!
This is a very clear summation of what the fuck Kyle Rittenhouse was doing in the streets of Kenosha, Wisconsin, the night he shot two people and maimed a third, as well as what's gone on in his trial up to now.— Isaac Saul at Tangle
Meanwhile, in Georgia. Nobody tell Jamie, I don't want to clean up the mess when her head explodes from this direct quote, and not even like a Wonkette-style "quote."
The defense attorney in the trial in the killing of Ahmaud Arbery is objecting to Al Sharpton\u2019s presence in the courtroom, claiming it is intimidating the jury:\n\n\u201cWe don\u2019t want any more Black pastors in here\u201dpic.twitter.com/LoQhor0WJN— philip lewis (@philip lewis) 1636657227
The rest of the day in court for Ahmaud Arbery's killers. (News4Jax)
Who are the bad guys? A comic from Maximus Wrecks.
You don't want to be Gene Simmons's enemy do you? Get vaccinated, or he will yell mean things at and about you. (Volume off or The Hill will autoplay a robot reading you the story.)
The anti-maskers have broken Montana. School board members, principals, and teachers are GTFO. Maybe they can hire some snake handlers to come teach the creation science in the Book of Job. (Flathead Beacon)
Why inflation is good actually. (Presumably doesn't apply for people on a pension. But does apply for those on Social Security, who will get a 5.9 percent Cost of Living Adjustment this year.) — The Intercept
I'd say "tell Joe Manchin," but LOL. (Axios)
The messaging needle Joe Biden has to thread on the economy. This is a good piece! — Politico. Dammit, Politico, this is a good headline too, on the need for Joe to start micromanaging Congress: Dems to White House: The Only Prescription Is More Biden.
Gas prices (and thus food prices and others) are rising because that Saudi Arabian murderer wants Joe Biden to stop calling him that Saudi Arabian murderer. Okay, simplified a little, but not by that much. (Intercept again)
California millionaire fugitive 1/6 rioter would like Belarusian asylum please. — Daily Beast
Oh my gosh, Dan Savage so mean to this poor rich boring condescending man! (The Stranger)
Hi Georgia farmer baby girl! Hiiiii! — GPB
The October boost to SNAP benefits: more food, better mental health too. Happy story from Civil Eats. Plus: What vertically integrated meat purveyor Belcampo's bullshit shows about the economics of meat.
OH MY GOSH I FORGOT TO CHECK THE WONKMEET DOT COM! Orange County, California, Wonkers go to Irvine TOMORROW to see your friend Leah! Sat., Nov. 13, 7 p.m. at Left Coast Brewing in Irvine! Be there or be a big jerk! Beers are on me!
Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.
Wonkette loves you and wants to be happy. Please give me money so I can give Leah money to buy you all beers. Also for all the other stuff. Goodbye!
Little Red Corvette
San Diego, Spokane, LA we're coming at you much too fast.
There is a program for RV folks, where you stay in a vineyard or farm for free, and it is expected that you will buy something. I love buying things! Particularly from people! You got an Etsy? Don't even tell me, because I will tear your shit up.
We were in the smack middle of Idaho, on our way to SD*. Quick, ask me how many people in Idaho were wearing masks in the gas stations too late it was ZERO! My granddaughter and I must have been terribly exotic.
And we got to the vineyard, and did you know Idaho has gorges? It has gorges, and they are lush, and at the bottom 40 of the vineyard were tall ... sycamores? to shade us and the four other groups of RV folk. The first ones we met were so nice! Where were they from? Washington! But "not like the weird Washington people," they were "normal Washington people" ... it took me a whole 10 minutes to realize she most likely meant liberals.
It didn't hurt my feelings even a tiny, I say stupid shit like that all the time.
After a bit, as we were enjoying the breeze underneath the ... sycamores? a redhead in her 70s drove up in her convertible red Corvette, her eyebrows, a pair of sideways parentheses, to match. Between her manicured fingers was a cigarette. Clearly this was a woman looking to rack up a few more catcalls in her twilight, and I was delighted to oblige. AROOOOO! I shouted from the Wonkebago screen door. "What made you decide to buy it?" my good son asked her. "SON, BECAUSE SHE CAN."
All my favorite people are women in their seventies. My best friends are Tika and Susan and Deb and my mom and, until she died of an asthma attack in the fires last year — GODDAMMIT, THE FIRES — my dear Betty. Fucking Betty. Betty was a ROCK.
I asked the Corvette Woman if she was our host. No, she was the woman who'd made it all happen. We chatted — I'm such a good chatter — and after she told us twice that she'd recently taken her Vette to 170 ("NOOOOOO," I howled, "BAAAAAD," I keened), she demanded I squeeze my ass into the convertible with her and go up to the winery, where she would force me to take some of her surely longsuffering daughter-in-law's wine.
Shy handed me his lighter: "Have a good time babe." I got in the goddamned car. We went up to get some goddamned wine.
When I was in college, I studied in Berlin for two months. There, the trains run on the honor system, but if someone comes through to check tickets, you'd best have one. As a young punk woman, I loudly insisted that I DID NOT BELIEVE IN THE HONOR SYSTEM. But I was also too afraid to get busted. So I didn't go many places on the train. Now, as a middle-aged granny who lives in society, I am the GODDAMNED GREATEST at the honor system. I got $30 in my pocket! Come on Cecil, take a dollar. Come on Cecil, take a ten.
Now I have to figure out how to get money to her daughter-in-law, because after she punched in the keypad code ("They gave me the code." "Then I guess that's on them!"), I took that fucking wine.
It would have been rude not to. And it's fucking delicious.
We are going to call her Nancy Sharon, after my dad's first two wives, because all women in their 70s are Nancy Sharon Donna Susan Betty Barbara but not so many Tikas. Nancy Sharon and her husband bought their land in 1975, and it was a shithole. They parked it out, they planted weeping willows, they have ducks. It was their dairy then; they milked the cows in what's now a delightful tasting room. She gave it over to her son 17 years ago. Was retiring hard?
"No."
Ima retire someday too. It's going to be amazing.
Her husband died a year and a half ago. And it was hard. "You liked each other?" I asked. She paused, and the yes was obvious in her tone, even if not her words: "We were together for 55 years." So fuck it, she bought a red Corvette.
She lit another cigarette, said her son wants her to quit. "I told him maybe I would if he wasn't bugging me about it." "No you wouldn't," I cackled. "You and I both know you are lying."
She chuckled. Yes she was lying, she said.
I asked her — and lord, the gymnastics I go to to keep people soothed, to be polite, in person — "I'm curious, and I hope you don't take offense, but if you do, well. What do you think about the vaccine?"
"I got vaccinated IMMEDIATELY, AB-SO-LOOT-LY," she shouted. The woman with a cigarette in her fingers and a beer in her hand as she drove (I forgot that part didn't I?), who had just told me to my HORROR about the speeds she'd tested her convertible in on those curving roads, explained: "I wouldn't risk it!"
*San Diego! Come to our party this Thursday, tomorrow, at Chicano Park from 6-9! Bring a dish to share, if you want to! We will be outside, and wearing masks, and not kissing you on your faces.
*Spokane! Saturday August 14 at Spokane Audubon Park at 6pm. Doktor Zoom will join you Look for the WonkMeet flag, you! Family-friendly meetup in a city park, so BEHAAAVE YOURSELVES! Pants probably a good idea.
*Los Angeles! Meet us at Pan Pacific Park, 7600 Beverly Blvd. Sunday, August 15, from 3 to 6 p.m. Same as above, with the dishes! Where will we be? Presumably near a playground, we got babies. Look for a sign ... FROM GOD.
When Are The Next Wonkmeet Parties? Bet YOU'D Like to Know!
ALL the fun will be had.
Time for another reminder of the week's coming Wonkmeet parties next week from WonkMeet.com, because it's Friday and Rebecca ain't wanna write it, she is still busy sending you thank you notes. I am honored, and also it is a fast post to write, so that is good too! Come join your fellow filthy fuckaducks and bring your filthy fuckaducklings along too!
The festivities will kick off in SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA on Thursday, August 12, at Chicano Park, from 6 to 9 p.m. Yr Editrix herself will be there, co-hosting with Wonkette Deep State Operative Binkysbroad! Bring your bad self and a "potluck," and now I understand what Rebecca meant in the Chatcave when she said she'd "be out next week driving to SD," and boy am I ever glad i didn't ask what possessed her to go to South Dakota during Delta Season!
Then, come the weekend, Yr Own Dok Zoom will be coming to SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, for the Wonkmeet on Saturday, August 14 in Spokane Audubon Park at 6 p.m. Look for the WonkMeet flag!
Hosted by Wonkette Deep State Operatives Paul and Skepti-KC, who note this will be a "Family friendly event in a city park, so keep it cool, ya know." We think that means you gotta wear pants.
Finally, on Sunday, August 15, in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, your hosts will be Rebecca and Wonkette Deep State Operative CAlly for a meetup at Pan Pacific Park, 7600 Beverly Blvd from 3 to 6 p.m, which is earlier than the other two, can you knuckleheads who are jetting to all three remember that? (Haha, like any of our knuckleheads have jets!)
If you need advice on where to stay or other local info, please contact one of the hosts. Dok knows about as much about Los Angeles as he does New York, so we'll just assume the festivities will include a hot rod race in the dry LA River, after which Jack Nicholson will nearly drown there, too.
You know who won't be at any of these? Kid Zoom, who will be working, and Thornton, who can't be trusted on road trips. Leave him alone five minutes and he'll find the nearest rubber mousie truck, the fiend. But they send their love!
Have you a good weekend, and we still have your cocktail recipe coming up for an open thread, this is not an open thread, you got that, you?
Wonkette loves you and is entirely funded by reader donations. If you can, please give $5 or $10 a month so we can pay to have the cat extracted from Kid's forehead.
Portland, Oregon, Wonkers, This Saturday Is Your Time To Shine!
But no face kissing, I am sorry.
Hey Portland, whatcha doing? Having some gross fire smoke from your state fires that are so big they're making their own weather? Well good, I wouldn't want to miss Montana's gross fire smoke skies while I am coming to see you!
Important details from WONKMEET.COM:
Saturday, July 24, 11 a.m.-5 p.m.: We'll be meeting at Peninsula Park for a family friendly afternoon in the park. We have picnic tables and restrooms. This is a potluck and BYOB (beer & wine only, please) event. For those that can't make it in person, we'll have a live WonkZoom running for drop ins. Free commemorative sportsball cap! This is going to be major epic.
It IS going to be major epic! Because Shy and I and not one but TWO babbies will be there!
And what is upcoming on the WONKMEET calendar, these wonkmeets put on by wonkers who have seized the means of WONKMEET production? (Special thanks to Uncle Milburn for leading the REVOLUTION!)
Aug. 14: SPOKANE! We will not be there even though we love Spokane so much because we will be in
Aug. 12: SAN DIEGO (Chicano Park) and
Aug. 15: LA! (Pan Pacific Park)
Will we make it to
Aug. 20: San Francisco? Unknown!
Will we make it to Sept. 3-6: Camp out at Paul and Holly's in the Berkshires? Absolutely not! That is so far away!
Or Sept. 12: Sauk Rapids, Minnesota? Well, that's closer!
Will we make it to Polson, Montana, sometime in September? Yes, because that is our house of where we live.
Now the rest of you make some wonkmeets, it will be your time to shine!
