Oh Damn, Joe Biden Is Bringing Brittney Griner Home
Wonderful news to wake up to.
Well good morning to the Biden administration, which has apparently figured out how to do some diplomacy with the world's vilest, most garbage national leader.
WNBA star Brittney Griner has been released, just weeks after she was transferred to a Russian penal colony. In exchange, we gave Russia an arms dealer named Viktor Bout. We can't wait to read all the hot takes from conservative white Americans about why ACTUALLY that guy was too dangerous to prisoner swap and we should have just left the Black lesbian to rot in a Russian labor camp instead.
Brittney Griner, the WNBA star who was held for months in Russian prisons on drug charges, was released Thursday in a one-for-oneprisoner swap for international arms dealer Viktor Bout, CBS News learned early Thursday from a U.S. official. The one-for-one exchange agreement negotiated with Moscow in recent weeks was given final approval byPresident Biden within justthe last week, according to sources familiar with the deal. The swap, first reported by CBS News, took place on Thursday in the United Arab Emirates.
This morning President Biden was awake in the Oval Office bright and early with Vice President Kamala Harris and Griner's wife Cherelle, and they've been in contact with Brittney, who will be medically evaluated and so forth.
\u201cMoments ago I spoke to Brittney Griner.\n \nShe is safe.\nShe is on a plane.\nShe is on her way home.\u201d— President Biden (@President Biden) 1670505284
President Biden spoke this morning to announce the news. He said Griner is in good spirits. Cherelle also talked. It was pretty great.
We mentioned that we are excited about hot takes from MAGA trash about how this particular Russian criminal Viktor Bout is too valuable to trade for Griner. And we say that because we are. Those will be some really good and well-formed opinions from thoughtful people. And we know they'll be coming because Donald Trump has already spent time trashing the idea of trading Griner for Bout, because of how Trump is a racist piece of human excrement.
Here's what he told some MAGA radio hacks back in the summer:
She went in there loaded up with drugs into a hostile territory where they’re very vigilant about drugs. They don’t like drugs. And she got caught. And now we’re supposed to get her out — and she makes, you know, a lot of money, I guess. We’re supposed to get her out for an absolute killer and one of the biggest arms dealers in the world. Killed many Americans. Killed many people. And he’s gonna get a free card and we’re gonna get her. She knew you don’t go in there loaded up with drugs, and she admitted it. I assume she admitted it without too much force because it is what it is, and it certainly doesn’t seem like a very good trade, does it? He’s absolutely one of the worst in the world, and he’s gonna be given his freedom because a potentially spoiled person goes into Russia loaded up with drugs.
Go fuck yourself, traitor.
TRAITOR: Trump Pretty Sure US Should Let ‘Spoiled’ Brittney Griner Rot In Russian Prison
In the months leading up to this, there had been talk that the White House wanted to trade Bout for both Griner and former US Marine Paul Whelan, who's been in prison in Russia for four years on espionage charges the US government says are bullshit. Apparently part of the breakthrough came when the proposal turned into each country returning one prisoner. We also look forward to the MAGA trash hot takes that Donald Trump would have definitely been able to get both prisoners back. (Can't imagine what he might have given Vladimir Putin in return.)
Of course, the Biden administration also completed a successful prisoner swap back in April for former Marine Trevor Reed. Hopefully the Whelan situation can be sorted ASAP. Biden said this morning that Russia is "sadly" treating the Paul Whelan case "differently" from Griner's, for bullshit reasons, but he personally guaranteed in his address this morning that they aren't giving up on that one.
CBS News has much, much more on the negotiations that led to today's historic events. For today let's just be happy for Brittney Griner and her wife and be glad we have a president who gives a shit.
[CBS News]
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Marjorie Taylor Greene Gives Putin Preview Of What It's Gonna Be Like Come January
How much will this shit matter? Remains to be seen.
Before the midterms, Greg Sargent had an article in the Washington Post about how Congress could "crazyproof" things for America in the lame duck session in the event of a Republican takeover. One of the items on the to-do list would be to lock in funding for Ukraine for a long time, to keep Republicans who are literally siding with the enemy (Vladimir Putin) from being able to cripple Ukraine or even give off the perception that American support might be wavering. How many of that type of Republican exists in Congress? Hard to tell, honestly.
Obviously, there is a pro-Russia caucus, which is also the most extreme MAGA caucus.
Kevin McCarthy: Vote For Republicans If You Hate Ukraine!
MAGA Republicans Gonna Investigate Biden For That Nuclear War He Started With Russia
Your Two-Week Reminder That Putin REALLY Wants Republicans To Win The Midterms
The good news is that Putin did not get what he wanted. There was no red wave. It was more like a red skidmark. Democrats kept the Senate, and Republicans will "control" the House, in the most uncontrollable way possible. It will be a technical majority, but that majority will basically be Marjorie Taylor Greene and whatever fart clouds follow her around. Have fun with that, Kevin McCarthy!
Regardless, it's not ideal. There will be a lot like this video of Kentucky GOP Rep. James Comer, an absolute dumbfuck among men, who got so mad yesterday that reporters didn't want to take their pants off and fap angrily about Hunter Biden along with the rest of the Republican Hunter Biden Angry Fapping Coalition:
\u201cComer doesn't want to talk about anything but Hunter Biden\u201d— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar) 1668698666
And there will be a lot like this video, which is Marjorie Taylor Greene openly siding with Russia in the genocidal child-murdering war it started against Ukraine, while literally trying to say the "invasion" at the southern US border is worse than what Russia has done, because Russia has only invaded with 82,000 people.
None— Stephanie Shultz \u262e\ufe0f (@Stephanie Shultz \u262e\ufe0f) 1668719975
She refers to our "proxy war with Russia," a conspiracy theory that shot right out of Tucker Carlson's ass crack. She whines that five million people have crossed our border illegally, as if all Americans are racist pigs who think brown-skinned Spanish-speaking immigrants are an evil worse than actual genocidal invaders.
Obviously Marjorie Taylor Greene is a bad person, one of the worst an American pregnancy has ever produced. And obviously most Americans don't agree with her.
And it remains to be seen whether vile grandstanding such as hers will actually end up hurting the innocent people of Ukraine, or whether likely eventual Speaker Kevin McCarthy will just let her run her mouth and then go make a deal with Democrats to approve whatever Ukraine funding the Senate passes.
But Russia hears it, loud and clear. This shit is going to be all over their TV.
We do hope the rest of the world is ready to tune this crap out, just like most of America is about to do with the House's endless upcoming investigations into how often Hunter Biden fucks and why his dad still loves him more than Donald Trump loves Don Jr.
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Sean Hannity Knows What He'd Do If He Was Poland, He'd Be Like BAM! BAM! And Russia'd Be Like OH SH*T, YO!
War strategies.
Good news! It looks like that missile that fell on Poland yesterday and killed two people was not from the Russians, even though it was Russian-made. Lotta Russian-made stuff floating around those parts. NATO's secretary general and the president of Poland say it likely came from Ukraine, that Ukraine was defending itself from a Russian attack, and a missile landed in Poland accidentally.
It would have been a big deal, obviously. If Russia hits a NATO country and NATO chooses to acknowledge it as such, then NATO would have to respond, on account of that whole "attack on one is an attack on all" thing. And if Vladimir Putin were to try some shit to distract/escalate, the timing could possibly make sense, what with the liberation of Kherson in Ukraine, which Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy says is the "beginning of the end" of the war. Also, Democrats kept the United States Senate and Republicans only hung on by the tiniest of threads in the House, which means funding for Ukraine is probably more secure than Putin was hoping it would be.
But they're saying the Polish strike was an accident.
Let's let that be a lesson about jumping the gun. Hey, we even jumped the gun a little bit when we heard a Russian missile had hit Poland, when we immediately were like "U HAPPY NOW, TULSI GABBARD?" We don't feel bad about it, because she can take a hike, but we're willing to acknowledge it.
Know who REALLY jumped the gun? Sean Hannity, who was on the radio when the news broke, and had hardly any information about what had happened, but that didn't matter because he was already in Russia, retaliating. We have video:
Haha, we are hilarious. (If you do not know all internet traditions.)
Here is the audio, because it was on the radio:
SEAN HANNITY (HOST): This is now a NATO problem, but it's also a Poland problem. If I was Poland, I would immediately strike back at Russian forces in Russia. And you say, "Hannity, you're going to start a nuclear war." No, I'm not looking to start a nuclear war. I'm looking to prevent a nuclear war. I'm looking to prevent this from now getting far worse. The only thing that should matter here is that there be a quick and appropriate response.
Correction: It would have been a NATO problem if it was a confirmed hostile strike on Poland by Russia. It was not time yet for Poland to "immediately strike back at Russian forces in Russia," no matter how much Sean Hannity was enjoying this game of "If I Was Poland." Thank God he's not!
And you say "Hannity, you're going to start a nuclear wear." And the answer is yes, he could have, because if he had done that and it turned out the Russian strike was a mistake, then Hannity/Poland's strike on Russia would have been the first strike.
Of course, in one way we are happy to hear a Fox News primetime host be so willing to hold Russia accountable for its actions. He should have some friendly dad chats with the guy in the timeslot next to his.
For some reason that Hannity "If I Was Poland" monologue reminds us of how Hannity talks about his MMA workouts.
“We have days we call ‘keeping it real,’ ” he said. “And keeping it real is like this guy who’s so big and so strong, and he’s coming up to me all throughout an hour-and-15-minute session and putting me in chokeholds, seeing how I respond to a gun to my head. You know, how do I deal with blades? And then another day is pain day, and then literally you put out your arms, ‘Boom, boom, boom.’ ” He mimed a hammer-punching motion against his forearm and stomach. “It’s made me stronger than I’ve ever been in my life.”
Now enjoy these videos of Sean Hannity explaining more about how to be an MMA fighter, which he is:
\u201cHannity can't stop, won't stop pretending he's an MMA fighter:\n\n"This is what I know from my martial arts training. If I put you in what\u2019s called a rear-naked choke...you are going to drop to your knees in 15 seconds."\u201d— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona) 1591062219
Never, ever will not be funny.
OPEN THREAD!
[Media Matters / New York Times]
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It's Well Past Time To Free Brittney Griner
This must end.
Last week, Brittney Griner turned 32. Her birthday celebrations were likely muted because she remains a Russian prisoner.
The WNBA star and two-time Olympic gold medalist has been wrongfully detained since February 17, after Russian Federal Customs Service officials say they found vape cartridges that contained hashish oil in Griner's luggage at the Sheremetyevo airport near Moscow. We have zero reason to trust Russian authorities or the Russian judicial system.
Five months later, Griner pleaded guilty to drug charges in a Russian court. After five months in Russian custody, she might've confessed to setting the Chicago fire. That doesn't prove her guilt. Although, that was enough for Donald Trump, who dismissed Griner as "spoiled" and took Russia's side over an American citizen.
Griner was sentenced to nine years in prison in August during a standard sham trial that ignored most of the defense's argument, as well as her guilty plea. (Griner has a medical marijuana prescription in Arizona.) She received close to the maximum. Her attorneys appealed, but the sentence was upheld on Tuesday. Earlier this month, Brittney's wife, Cherelle Griner, said, "Once that hearing is held and the order is finalized … she could be moved to a labor camp ... My brain can’t even fathom it."
Experts believe the length of Griner's sentence is politically motivated because ... well, duh. The US has helped defend Ukraine against Putin's unprovoked invasion. She's a political prisoner.
PREVIOUSLY:
Totally Trustworthy Russia Detains WNBA Star Brittney Griner On Totally Legit Drug Charges
Trump Pretty Sure US Should Let ‘Spoiled’ Brittney Griner Rot In Russian Prison
According to the New York Times, Griner will start serving her sentence in a Russian penal colony almost immediately. Her only remaining hope is that the Biden administration can arrange her release through a prisoner swap.
"President (Joe) Biden has been very clear that Brittney should be released immediately," he said, adding that the Biden administration has in recent weeks "continued to engage with Russia through every available channel and make every effort to bring home Brittney as well as to support and advocate for other Americans detained in Russia, including fellow wrongful detainee Paul Whelan."
This is more than a minor inconvenience for Griner. Her life is in jeopardy. Republicans lament the conditions January 6 rioters experienced while in jail, but they predictably remain silent while Griner faces imprisonment in what a journalist with Foreign Policy once described as a "Dostoevsky novel come to life." Former President George W. Bush’s ambassador to Russia, William J. Burns, wrote that Russia’s inhumane prison system "combines the country’s emblematic features — vast distances, harsh climate, and an uncaring bureaucracy — and fuses them into a massive instrument of punishment."
Russia prisons are breeding grounds for tuberculosis, which US Marine Trevor Reed contracted not long into a nine-year sentence for the alleged 2019 assault of two Moscow cops. Yes, apparently, possessing hashish oil carries the same penalty as beating up cops — at least if you're a Black lesbian. Life in prison for queer inmates is obviously not ideal.
Although Russian authorities haven't disclosed Griner's whereabouts, the New York Times identified the prison from a photograph a visitor published online.
Video footage of the prison available online shows tall, gray walls, old prison bars and a rusty monument to Lenin in the courtyard. [...]
For Ms. Griner, every day in the facility looks pretty much the same, said Yekaterina Kalugina, a journalist and member of a public prison monitoring group who has visited Ms. Griner in the prison.
The inmates wake up, have breakfast in their cell — usually some basic food — and then go for a walk in the prison’s courtyard, which is covered by a net. The rest of the day is filled with reading books — Ms. Griner has been reading Dostoyevsky in translation, for instance — and watching television, though all of the channels are in Russian, Ms. Kalugina said.
The usual rightwing suspects have mocked Griner's predicament, suggesting it's what she deserves because she dared criticize the US government and law enforcement. Any decent person, however, should want Griner freed from this nightmare.
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