'15th Time's The Charm' Is Totally A Thing. Seriously! Stop Laughing!!

It's your House Republican-filled Sunday shows rundown!

House Republicans finally elected Kevin McCarthy as the new speaker before we ran out of Doctors from "Doctor Who," a very dignified unit of measurement. Afterward, the House quickly swore in its members, let Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries show people what they missed out on, and adjourned before the next shitshow — voting for the House rules package.

Without a clear victory and awaiting the next session of rake-walking later today, House Republicans were left with no other option but to try and gaslight the public into believing their first example of "leadership" wasn't a colossal failure. Let's see how that went!

Chip Roy Starts The Egg Timer On Speaker McCarthy's Tenure

After receiving so many concessions that the House "Freedom Caucus" is effectively the de facto leaders of the 118th Congress, Rep. Chip Roy from Texas gave a preview of their Nakatomi Plaza terrorist tactics on CNN's "State Of The Union."

Roy told Tapper, "We will use the rules of the House to enforce the terms of the agreement," implying that he'll vote to boot McCarthy if he offers a clean debt ceiling bill that doesn't crash the economy. It's as if the next two years for McCarthy (and the American people) will resemble the prediction Clubber Lang made for his fight against Rocky.

Dan Crenshaw Sighs

Part of the deal to get McCarthy enough votes for his speakership bid was apparently to cap domestic spending to 2022 levels for fiscal year 2024, which Tapper noted would result in (at the very least) "tens of billions of dollars not going to the Pentagon."

So stuck between cuts to programs that will effectively lose them the House in two years or a potential government shutdown that will lose them the House in two years, Rep. Dan Crenshaw from Texas gave a heavy sigh as he resigned himself to his party's fate, much like Homer Simpson stuck between a rock and a hard place.

TAPPER: If this ends up in tens of billions of dollars being cut from the Pentagon budget, will that bother you?

CRENSHAW: (sighs) It could. [...]

How is Crenshaw gonna make more wannabe "G.I. Joe" campaign commercials if you cut defense spending?! Damn it, McCarthy!!

Jim Jordan Talks Fast Without Saying Much

Over on "Fox News Sunday," host Shannon Bream had to deal with Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio and his disdain for suit jackets. One of Jordan's signature "traits" is his memorizing and spouting of talking points at a speed that makes it seem like he's selling Micro Machine toys. It's like a jock who had a gallon's worth of talking points poured into a shot glass-sized brain.

Jordan's schtick almost made us miss his hints at more nefarious motives regarding the defense cuts Crenshaw was sad about.

Jordan said, "You had better look at everything. And frankly we better look at the money we send to Ukraine as well and say how can we best spend the money to protect America?" A little isolationism mixed with not-so-subtle support for Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine. This is peak Trumpism.

James Comer Might Have A Single Good Idea

We conclude with Rep. James Comer from Kentucky on NBC's "Meet The Press" with Chuck Todd. While speaking of the revelation of Trump's taxes and his lack of paying most of them, Comer accidentally proposes a good thing.

COMER: [...] If the Democrats want to make people like Donald Trump pay taxes they need to change the tax code — not the tax rate, the tax code. [...]

Don't threaten us with a good time, Jimmy.

Have a week!

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Trump Smart Again, Judging By All These Non-Existent Taxes

COULD (LOL) there be crimes?

The House House Ways and Means Committee released Donald Trump's tax returns today, via the relatively undramatic method of just publishing them in the daily Congressional Record, as though they were a bill to fund a new sewage plant in Palm Beach, to choose a perfectly random example of Congress doing its business. Talk about your Friday news dump!

The committee voted last week to release Trump's tax records from 2015 through 2020, but it took a few days to redact personal information like Social Security and bank account numbers, as if there's anything in those accounts anyway. The AP notes that the document trove totals just short of "6,000 pages, including more than 2,700 pages of individual returns from Trump and his wife, Melania, and more than 3,000 pages in returns for Trump’s business entities." Politico reports the tax forms will also be supplemented by a new report on the IRS program that was supposed to audit presidential taxes every year but, oops, didn't.

Another 722 pages are just the handwritten note "Can't sleep, VP still watching" over and over again, although it's unclear why Trump would be so worried about his vice president.

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What's Hinky In Donald Trump's Taxes? Wouldn't YOU Like To Know!

Maybe we'll tell you if you're nice.

This week the House Ways and Means Committee announced that it would be releasing Donald Trump's tax returns from the time he ran from president through his four years golfing, being a big old racist, and subverting democracy, but mostly golfing. The biggest thing we learned from a report by the committee was that the IRS, in a surprising departure from its stated policy, never bothered auditing Trump's taxes while he was "president." At least not until Democrats won control of the House and started looking into the matter.

More: The IRS Must Have Forgotten To Audit Trump's Magnificent Taxes!

Yr Wonkette looked earlier at some of the questionable crap the committee's report pointed out, so now let's dig a little further into the details with this nice wrapup of some "Red Flags" that Politico reported on yesterday. The findings in the report come from the Joint Committee on Taxation (JCT), which Politico describes as "Congress’ brain on tax issues." And here we thought "Congress's brain on tax issues" was more like an egg frying in a pan full of money to be given to corporations, wowza.

Is Trump Really THAT Terrible At Business?

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Kevin Brady: Releasing Trump's Taxes Means We Could See Supreme Court Taxes Too. Oh ... No!

Don't threaten us with a good time.

The House Ways and Means Committee voted Tuesday to release Donald Trump's tax returns to the public, covering the time he ran for president and the four years he resided in the White House. CNBC explains that will

take “a few days” to remove some sensitive information before the release of Trump’s returns and those of eight affiliated Trump businesses, said Rep. Richard Neal, D-Mass, the committee’s chairman.

“But we believe that it’s only days,” Neal said.

The records set for release include the notes of IRS audits of the returns.

The 24 to 16 vote to release the tax returns was along party lines, as Republicans all voted to protect the Great Man — and you too, John or Jane Q Citizen, because they care!

You see, prior to the committee debate and vote, Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas) its ranking Republican, offered a dire warning: If Democrats release Donald Trump's taxes, that means they might release yours, or mine, or golly, anyone's! Here's video:

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